Stained Nostalgia

by In Spirit

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about

Stained Nostalgia is the 2nd release from Windsor Ontario based lofi/spoken word artist, In Spirit.

This is a collection of poems about loss and finding definition within change from over the last year that are accompanied by various instrumentals composed by Devon.

A special thanks to: David Tidwelll, the photo in the frame, Jake Reimer and Josh Ferrans for the inspiration and helping create this with me.

And I owe my soul to my family and friends who supported me through all the late night shows, merch orders, vent sessions, and so on leading up to Stained Nostalgia, Thank you, mom, dad, DJ, Ceila & Mikey, Carleigh, Keenan, Mitch, Julia & Gen, if theres any i'm missing you know who you are.

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released January 23, 2017

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In Spirit Windsor, Ontario

Spoken word/Rap based out of Windsor Ontario Canada.

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Track Name: Stained Nostalgia
I want to shed this exhausted vessel/
My mistakes will no longer be defined/
Just slipping into grey blurred lines/
It's all just stained nostalgia now
Track Name: I Still Hear You In My Dreams
Your pupils dilated
I stare into the void being the blacks of your eyes.
I try to remember the last time I spoke to my best friend.

You were given care, you were shown love, you came to know all of the above.
Yet you still got lost in sin, you got sick by consuming all of this.


I'd still crawl through hell and back just to get you back,
But now you pay the cost for not getting your life on track.

Your descent into becoming just a vagrant being

It kills me seeing you like this but I guess it's the risk you take when you didn't listen to what we say.

And my arms falling asleep from extending my hand that you just wont grab.

We don't talk anymore,
but I still hear you in my dreams.

Your laughter so vivid it's confused for reality.

I still think about the day you'll blossom but you're still at home withering away

Day after day you decay and it's starting to show

I now know it's your own battle and I'll have to leave you alone

Because in the end you rode your own road into self destruction and you're fading too fast to point fingers anymore, you've become rotten to the core and the person I once loved is no more.
Track Name: Skin and Bone
The person you loved is capable of leaving after promising a thousand times they'd stay/
A lesson learnt when you become more aware of how despicable beauty can be.

The garden of life will only grow out of spite/
Don't pity me because I'm on my own/
If this is all artificial id rather be alone.

As we age we come to know that we're all just selfish piles of skin and bone

The obsession of only doing great for your own will steal from the ones that truly care

Strip them of their heart you'll tear the meaning of unity apart

Everything is miles away from what they claim they are

It'll leave you feeling deceived and wanting to run as far as you can/
As far as your feet can handle/
before they dismantle/
and you're stuck, limbless//
scared of the world you come to know
Track Name: Temporary Gifts
I write dear time ...
Hours days and months to a year -
I ask you why you've given me so many temporary gifts

All though they are kind at the time I want to keep them all -
Maybe it sounds selfish but I want them to stay with me

Oh change, oh uncertainty
I plead to you wondering why I'm not good enough to be allowed to bathe in the light

I question what forces in my life have taken away my permission to hold the hand of the only things I got right

So I scream at distance -
Scolding it for what it's done to me
Asking why it's made uncertainty such a familar feeling to me

I wonder how many more nights I'll ponder upon what I'm not deserving of -

I wonder how many day dreams will be - dedicated to the gems I can no longer see

While I sleep I grit my teeth in unpleasantry because those are the only I can find serenity

In my slumber I rekindle relationships that were chalked up to be a careless history or blunders, at least that's what we blame in reality.
Track Name: Evil & Kerosene (A letter you won't open)
The cracks in my skin acted as reminder to let me know how easy it was to let you in

Of no wrong doing but I still feel ridden in sin

The photo in the frame once said
"She reeks of evil and kerosene, and you're just a box full of matches"

I'm starting to believe she was right.
I think it upset you the most when you watched the fight in me die.
I think it killed you the most when I hung up the phone.

Every bone, bruised and broken, used up because of you.
Maybe you're bored at home because you can't play with me like you've gotten used to.

I suppose I'm not upset that you took advantage of every single dollar spent, and every time you used this bed.
But I bled honesty and your feet and I still feel nothing but defeat because you simply wouldn't listen to me.
I don't know where my words ever got tied to deciet but I swear to god this isnt me but you're still shaking your head at me and looking down on me in disbelief.

So now I sit here in silence watching everyone else believe every line you fed to them about me.
I know my own name is sitting and soaking in deception for all to see but I have nothing left in me, my voice dried up and died along with us.

"I still want to be friends" is unreadable to me when every letter was inked in blood, every promise tasted as if it sat in corruption building up for months so I guess that's why the taste lingered on my lips for a little too long.

I hope this makes you happy.
It costs absolutely nothing to be honest so stop holding back like there's an expense.
Track Name: Today I Visited Your Grave
Today I visited your grave because I finally realized your dead

I was // disillusioned // thinking there was anything good in you left, 7 months spent..

If we're being exact.

The only thing that'll attract me back are the days that are no longer here and in two weeks they'll have started exactly this time last year.

I spent the summer holding your corpse and listening to the demon that manipulated it spew venom and lies into my ears and eyes and I expected it to make me feel more whole inside.

Aid reminiscent to an exorcism is waiting on the other side
I had offered to hold your hand while you did as long as you tried but you'd rather rot

Unlike my best friend I don't still hear you in my dreams
It's more along the lines of I hear you in my nightmares where the songs you sung are replaced with screams of the girl you used to be

I tried to ease the gun from your mouth but you pointed at me with lethal intentions in which you wouldn't hesitate to succeed but it wouldn't matter because I've grown accustomed to letting you make me bleed

So if you ever try to crawl from your coffin I won't be around to drag you out /
when you decide to get some help

I'll be homebound, erasing you with every step I take, with every poem about you I retrace and decide to scrape out of this release because this is the only when I need and when you hear it you'll know it's for you indeed.
Track Name: Between The Dirt and Me
Oh it's just one year with the knives to test if I can stay awake
Drag me into my bed at the bottom of a fucking lake
Kiss my cheek with the sweet embrace of rest
It's no use when my limbs are already binded to the roots
There's no room to breathe when you're this far in the ground
I send out thoughts to my higher up in hopes I won't always have to be in battle
Praying I'll find symmetry between the dirt and me