Disposable (Demo)

by In Spirit

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about

A collection of songs I threw together about from the last year of my life// enjoy!

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released May 6, 2016

"Disposable" prod. by Flamingo Bill
"False Portrait" prod. by Raymxn Icy

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In Spirit Windsor, Ontario

Spoken word/Rap based out of Windsor Ontario Canada.

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Track Name: Photos & Frames
Barley skin and bone/
Just a manipulative ghost/
Barley skin and bone
Just a manipulative ghost
And fading fast/

Just goes to show that your friends that hold your ego up will fall out of place when they discover they've been talking to more than one face

Retreat in shame from what you said
Because my head is clear and my heart will speak loud
Everyone will hear the truth from now
It'll be known that you tore me down
Everyone's respect for you is gone so don't try to turn this around

The sound that satisfied you the most was hearing my heart hit the ground
No longer bound to bullshit
I can't forefit what I do in my life because you're here watching over me trying to poison me out of spite

You are not kind
Everything you built for me to see ended up being a lie
I've been denied of secrets I deserve to know
It's unbearable
You've proven to be terrible at best because I still don't know the rest

Inside of you there is nothing
You're barley yourself
Traces of you reside in photos and frames you barley look at on your shelf
Track Name: Disposable
Take what you need from me
I'm at your convenience
To build your self esteem
And afterwards leave me alone
This process we give in to every month or so
Is starting to get old

I remember when I was actually beside you
I remember when we were actually in love
It felt so real
I remember when I wasn't something you could just pick up and throw away
It felt so real

So if I come back one day
And if I see you around
Just know I'm keeping my distance for a reason
Just know that I'm no longer letting you fuck me around

While I was alone
When I was far away from home
I realized that I'll never learn to be happy
If I can't handle being on my own
I just hope that's something you'll understand
I just hope you won't try to also guilt trip me for doing that

But who am I kidding
You're my anchor no matter how sick you made me
And I'm yours for however long you want
I'm disposable at whatever cost
Track Name: False Portrait
I'll paint you a picture of someone else because I don't love myself
enough to show you how I am truly, not beautifuly
discolored

Decorated in fake feelings I'm far from appealing to anyone but what does it matter? When no one's asks me what's the matter? Just looking for a hand to hold, it's cold

I'm just looking for attention, I don't care what it means to you
An endless hunger for the affection of others it's what I'll be remembered for
No more than that

Watch my name slip away with the rest of time itself
This scares me sometimes and maybe I need help
But I don't know how to do that by myself

So I'll let it manifest
Push it aside to plague me like the rest of things before
I wish there was more
I wish there was more

I'm just a false portrait, something very far from art that's what separates me and you apart
Track Name: That's Not Home Anymore
I suppose i'm still homesick for a place that feels less like home every time I come back
I thought it was the key to to get my life back on track
But now I see where I grew up and it's just becoming memories that are transitioning to grey

I no longer feel the sense of panic
That dug me deep for years
I no longer yearn
For what isn't there
My love for that place
Is starting to disappear

It begs to ask the question
Where do I go from here?
I'm in a different direction after overcoming the manic obsession of going back
The lack of being worried makes me feel misplaced
I'm in a new state
I never thought i'd see the day where I would steer off this road
And have the option of becoming someone of my own that wasn't decided years ago

I guess it's a new feeling for me to know that i'm free
I can now see that I don't need to be afraid
I made my own life right here and i'm perfectly okay